22 February 2012 :
a very very confused woman now.
today i think i would say i’m at my lowest state where i don’t really know what makes me sane.
i realized that this should have been sooner… but i guess it isn’t that easy for a someone like me, shinta. i’m 28 years old, and i still haven’t found the right path of career for me. isn’t that wrong? weird? retarded for realizing it now… i’m sure it is. some ppl might say. but why do i still keep on saying that i’ll find something that i will like and do with all of my heart. and turns out, this is not it. this producing videos or maybe a movie, isn’t what i want. i always always thought, hey why don’t i become more of the creative process. no, i don’t do technical things, but then after a long long thinking, what do i do best at… it all comes to writing.
two men in my life right now, who are dearly so important to me have already said, “shinta, you are good at writing… you always express yourself freely when you write” but always it never sticks in my mind, that in the end yes, i do very much enjoy writing. especially about myself. but if you asked me to do a writing about something, i know could do it. is just that sometimes i feel as if i’m not good enough to write. i might have the grammar all wrong or even sounds so lame. and if i may, oh how i would love to learn more about writing. it would be great if i could. but still again, if i really want to do that, then i should start finding scholarships to do so.
so now i know what i like, and what i want to do. now i want to practice it. and how… so i’m gonna start blogging again. hopefully this time it will work out and that my closest loved ones will be able to read it… and maybe maybe someday i’ll be able to show it to the world. and as the title says in this blog/tumblr, i shall be honest on how i feel about something, or something or even to myself on how things are, this will make my dear heart much better i suppose as whatever i need to say about, will be out there, and no one can judge, only read/listen to what my heart has to say. thats all.